Books As I See Them

Alright everyone I am so sorry that it has taken so long for me to write a new post... I am a slacker and I hang my head in shame at my awfulness, I am scum, I am unsymmetrical garbage, you should destroy me with fire, cast me out to live with the vermin and die. I even chose to write this in this hideous color as penance for my disgraceful behavior.
Okay on to happier things such as Pride and Prejudice. To make up for the previously stated failures as a blogger I have decided to give you a bunch of chapters at one time. Also it is because chapter 12 should have been in the last post and I didn't realize it and chapter 13 starts the dear Mr. Collins chapters which we have to group together and partially break apart into sections of OME (elephants)-can-you-please-go-shoot-yourself because he is just so ... him. And on to chapter 12.

Okay so we left off with Jane starting to feel better, Darcy is trying to stay in denial of his feelings and Lizzy is done with all of the Bingley party and her mother. Chapter 12 is pretty much a hate on Mrs. B chapter because the whole beginning is her wanting the girls to stay at the Bingley house for another like three days and refusing to send them the carriage to get back, they end up borrowing the Bingley carriage and going home anyway because they don't really like to listen to their mother's crazies anymore than the rest of us. 
So the sisters stay one more night and plan to leave in the morning miss Bingley is kind of annoyed that she had insisted on them staying because she pretty much hates Lizzy more than she likes Jane; green is a really ugly color dear.  Darcy decides that it will be safer to just not talk to Lizzy anymore and says hardly anything until they leave. I have to put this quote in though for anyone who has been on Team Darcy with me: "She attracted him more than he liked" ahahahahah yes! That's right Darcy fall in love with the commoner girl. 
The two girls get home and Mr. B tells them how much he missed them the mother complains that they didn't stay long enough.  The younger girls give them the latest gossip about the soldiers and they all take a sigh of relief. 
Now for those of us readers who have read a good number we all know that a sigh of relief often leads to an oh-crap-moment, in this case we get Mr. Collins.
Now Mr. Collins is the one character you will never like, so naturally this means we have to make fun of him at every turn and grumble every time his name shoes up on paper. Okay so Mr. Collins is the main subject of the next couple of chapters. He is the one who will get Mr. B's house when Mr.B dies because of the entitlement problem of the day. Because Mr. B has no sons and five daughters his property will have to go to the next man in the family line, a cousin which is where Mr. Collins comes in. Mr. Collins comes to visit them with the main goal of finding one of the daughters to marry. He figures that this way they get to keep the property in the family and he will have a wife which his patroness has been encouraging him to do anyway. Mr. Collins patroness is an older rich woman named Lady Catherine de Bourgh who likes to talk a lot and tell people what they should do. Now for those of you who have no idea what a patroness is I will tell you
The situation between Mr. Collins and Lady C is that Lady C has a large estate (REALLY big house with lots of useless pretty property) these estates usually housed their own pastor who usually administered to the town but was supported by one of the wealthier land owners in the area. So in summary Mr. Collins is a reverend who lives on Lady C's land and his life is dull and boring.
Okay so back to Mr. Collins. He is obnoxious and annoying and pompous. He walks around with false modesty. Speaks way to highly of not only himself but of everything. He talks waaaaaaaaaayyyyyy too much and usually to say something like "wow what nice weather" he will say something like this instead "Tis such grand weather we have, You know I admire the clouds and how white and puffy they are and how well they do their job. You know that had I been a cloud, I should have been a good cloud. Oh but Lady De Bourgh's daughter would have been a star because she is the most beautiful of all the women I have seen. And Lady De Bourgh would have been the sun because she is so loving and nice." Actually he would have gone on but I thing you get the picture. Honestly the best parts in these chapters is Mrs. B who we start to feel sorry for again because she realizes that if she doesn't marry off all of her daughters she could end up living on the streets with them someday. She understands that Mr. Collins will have the power to do that should her husband die. She also sees Mr. Collins for closer to what he probably is. As he walks around their house he complements everything so overly that normally Mrs. B would have been in heaven but she knows that he is really just thinking about how all of this stuff is really his anyway so in a way he is complementing himself on getting all of this really awesome furniture. So in every way we really just can't stand Mr. Collins and he will not be leaving for a while. 
Mrs. B is also not the only one who gets tired of him quickly. Mr. B finds him entertaining for a while but eventually he tries to run away to his books. At the end of chapter 14 the girls are talking to Mr. Collins and he starts reading out of a book of Sermons and the Lydia starts to get bored and interupts him and he gets all huffy and stops and makes some wise crack about how girls should listen more to sermons because they are mainly written for them. 
So Mr. Collins who wants to marry one of them initially chooses Jane because not only is she the oldest but she is the prettiest and he is a dumb man who chooses with his *cough*. Anyway after talking to Mrs. B he changes his mind and sets his sights on Lizzy. Mrs. B assures him that she is a safer choice and that she is far more practical and he agrees and also agrees that she is still pretty and will do. 
The girls go to town (Collins with them) and the run into (accidentally on purpose) the plot lines next big problem, Mr. Wickham. Mr. Wickham is a soldier who was walking with another soldier when they met the ladies. He is polite, good looking, and agreeable. Everything Mr. Darcy is not. 
Speak of the devil. Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley show up riding one their horses (which obviously makes Darcy cooler) and Darcy and Wickham share a glare and tense shoulders when they pass each other that Lizzy notices and eventually tells Jane. 
Mr. Collins gushes some more and Chapter 15 ends and so we will stop here. 
So some spoilers, Darcy and Wickham have bad blood because of past incidents that we eventually hear told two separate ways, Team Darcy fans stay strong he isn't as bad as he initially looks. Mr. Collins does something stupid that we initially laugh at then we go darn that sort of backfired. 

So I will try to not be a slacker anymore. Keep up with me by following me on Twitter @KauruRoss and please become a minion of the blog if you have a blogger account. If you don't then make one and become a minion because honestly who doesn't want to be a minion.
I love all of you for not killing me with fire, 
Your Affectionate Writer,
Ross